In fond memory of author’s grandma Dil Kumari Khanal Paneru
I remember talking to my grandma, the joyful tears, her amazing innocent eyes,
Never talking about death, just life.
She was like the moon in the dark sky, always shining bright on everyone in the village hut,
That amazing village hut,
That small village hut,
Which marked where my grandma started her journey,
And where she ended it.
My eyes are filled with darkness,
Drowning in a sea of tears
And then I scream
“WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO ME!!!?!?!?!?”
I howl like a wolf on a cliff in the dark night sky
Letting others howl and grieve with me
My sorrow is confused, I had not known much of her,
But as I looked at the imminent disaster,
Finally believing that she will never come back
Every single day was like a lifetime,
Full of joys and sorrows
Several years ago, my grandma was diagnosed with cancer
The doctor said that she would last 1 year at the most
There was a harrowing call, and then my mother said the 2 words,
“She’s gone.”
She burst into tears,
Grieved, mourned,
I had no idea what had happened, I never knew her fully,
Lost memories, lost transparency.
Then I said the words I would never say again
“Goodbye, grandma.”
